The main server: Me, Dad
Me, Dad, I am the central server of the house. I manage the resources (especially the finances), and I am always called upon for technical requests. Unfortunately, my user interface (UI) is a bit outdated, and my updates take an eternity — especially when it comes to installing "how to use Netflix." Be careful, if you overload me with too many requests (for example, "Can we fix the toilet flush?"), I crash and return a 404 error: "Dad is currently unavailable."
The ultra-secure firewall: Mom
Mom is the firewall of the house. She analyzes everything, detects suspicious behavior ("Why did you come home so late?"), and blocks unauthorized activities ("No, you are not going out in that outfit!"). Her database is impressive and contains everything—from our bad grades in second grade to the birthdays of second cousins. But beware: if someone tries to bypass the firewall, she turns into an alarm system with a devastating siren (the classic cry: "I told you so!").
The unstoppable chatbot: My little one
The youngest one is a poorly configured chatbot. It talks non-stop, often off-topic, and its main mission is to test the patience of the rest of the family. When you ask a serious question ("Did you do your homework?"), you get absurd answers ("And you, did you clean your room?"). Sometimes, it goes into a loop and repeats the same phrase until someone forces a manual stop by shouting "STOP!".
The reference gamer girl: My teenage daughter
Ma fille ado, c’est la gamer girl de la maison. Elle est connectée en permanence sur des plateformes comme Twitch ou TikTok, et elle maîtrise des logiciels que personne d’autre ne comprend. Elle prétend qu’elle « multitâche » alors qu’elle joue tout en « faisant ses devoirs », mais sa priorité réelle est de battre son record sur son jeu préféré. Sa chambre est un cloud personnel, où tout est stocké mais rien n’est accessible à nous, les pauvres parents.
The part-time hacker: My teenage son
My teenage son is the hacker of the house. He spends his nights trying to bypass all the rules of the parental firewall. Wi-Fi password? He has already cracked it. Parental controls? He disabled it in less than 5 minutes. He operates on a completely different OS from the rest of the family: his favorite software includes Discord and Reddit, and his priorities include "gaming all night" and "responding to messages with incomprehensible memes."
The temperamental voice assistant: My younger sibling
My younger sibling is the family voice assistant. We ask it for everything: "What is Uncle Paul's wedding date?", "Can you help me set up my phone?", or "Where are my socks?". But unlike Alexa or Siri, it responds with sarcasm ("Maybe your socks went on vacation?"). It's often said that it's not very "user-friendly," but hey, it's exhausting to be multitasking.
Obsolete devices: Grandparents
Grandparents are like vintage devices. They are adorable, but their operating system dates back to a time when the Internet was still an abstract concept. Their technological vocabulary includes terms like "Minitel" and "floppy disk." They call it "Googling" when they type a search on their phone, and you often have to play the technician to explain to them that no, it doesn't work like a typewriter.
Conclusion
In this family, each member has their role — and their own way of debugging everyday problems. Together, we form a unique system, sometimes buggy, but always full of humor. After all, even system crashes are part of the user experience!
